Maeko
11 Months. In 3 days it’s been eleven months since she walked into my life and stole my heart. & now she’s gone… and I have no idea how to get her back. Nobody as ever hurt me as much as she has. In eleven months it feels like I’ve felt more pain than most ever do in relationships. Cheating. Betrayal. Abandonment. I’ve felt it all, yet i’d take her back in a heartbeat. I’m weak, I know this. I see her and fall apart, it’s like she as this hold over me. Whenever she is in the same room, I lose control… She’s all that matters. All I’ve done is push her away because I can’t trust her. Yet now she’s done with me… Trust no longer seems relevant. I didn’t even want to end it - not like that anyway - I just wanted to end the hurt. I wanted her to listen and care, but she claims she accepted it was real, so now there is no going back. & now it’s all just fucked… and she’s not here to make it better. I just want her to hold me and for her to tell me that she loves me and wants us. Watching her walk away from me the other day may actually be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to witness. She says she’s done, then she says she needs time… But I don’t understand… Two weeks ago she was saying she loves me, she wants to marry me and wants us forever… Then Friday its “It had to end sometime, why not now”… Funny how it’s happening now a new girl is on the scene. But I don’t believe it, I just think she’s playing a game to hurt me - But I don’t understand why, yes I can say hurtful things when I’m angry, but all our relationship I’ve gave her everything. Anything she wanted, I bought her… I also gave her all of me, never once betraying her… So why do I deserve this treatment, I just don’t understand. I put up with all her mistakes, so why can’t she forgive me for mine? How can she love me if she’s doing all this? I love her more than anything, she is my world… and now everything is horrible. I wake up crying because I miss her so much, I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even really want revenge… I just want her to see… To see how much I’m hurting, just to see me. But she doesn’t care, she’s happy without me. So now I have to accept it and move on without her. I know I will never love anybody again like I love her. I don’t even want to… Love failed me and I never want to hurt like this again. I will still always wish for her <3

11 Months.

In 3 days it’s been eleven months since she walked into my life and stole my heart. & now she’s gone… and I have no idea how to get her back.

Nobody as ever hurt me as much as she has. In eleven months it feels like I’ve felt more pain than most ever do in relationships. Cheating. Betrayal. Abandonment. I’ve felt it all, yet i’d take her back in a heartbeat.

I’m weak, I know this. I see her and fall apart, it’s like she as this hold over me. Whenever she is in the same room, I lose control… She’s all that matters.

All I’ve done is push her away because I can’t trust her. Yet now she’s done with me… Trust no longer seems relevant. I didn’t even want to end it - not like that anyway - I just wanted to end the hurt. I wanted her to listen and care, but she claims she accepted it was real, so now there is no going back.

& now it’s all just fucked… and she’s not here to make it better.

I just want her to hold me and for her to tell me that she loves me and wants us. Watching her walk away from me the other day may actually be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to witness. She says she’s done, then she says she needs time… But I don’t understand… Two weeks ago she was saying she loves me, she wants to marry me and wants us forever… Then Friday its “It had to end sometime, why not now”… Funny how it’s happening now a new girl is on the scene.

But I don’t believe it, I just think she’s playing a game to hurt me - But I don’t understand why, yes I can say hurtful things when I’m angry, but all our relationship I’ve gave her everything. Anything she wanted, I bought her… I also gave her all of me, never once betraying her… So why do I deserve this treatment, I just don’t understand. I put up with all her mistakes, so why can’t she forgive me for mine? How can she love me if she’s doing all this?

I love her more than anything, she is my world… and now everything is horrible. I wake up crying because I miss her so much, I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even really want revenge… I just want her to see… To see how much I’m hurting, just to see me.

But she doesn’t care, she’s happy without me. So now I have to accept it and move on without her. I know I will never love anybody again like I love her. I don’t even want to… Love failed me and I never want to hurt like this again.

I will still always wish for her <3

03/16/11 at 11:34pm
Theme: Cavalcade